She didn't know she was going, neither did I at that moment, so we talked freely.
" You know, if I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't have worried so much about my weight, you know,......my shape. I would have eaten more ice cream, and less card board crackers." Then she laughed.
" I made a lot of mistakes," I said, " and I was always haunted by a lot of them. Hauling a lot of regret around." She said - oh, I don't, I never did.
I always forgave myself for my own stupidity. Never did those things again, never tried to hurt anyone else, cause I felt lousy about it. That was the hardest thing, she told me.
You always feel lousy about yourself.
The nurse came by and wheeled her over to X-ray and we chatted about things on the way down and back. The nurse said, " you two are amazing, everybody on the floor are talking about you."
Jan said " why' that?" The nurse said that there was so much positiveness coming out of the two of us, everyone wanted to drop by and talk to us. " haven't you noticed everyone in the floor has dropped by?" she said.
Jan said, " we get that a lot. Three hours after her X-ray, back in the room, she asked if I had fed the dog, as we held hands, I kissed her as she rolled over in the bed and peacefully died at 55.
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